I’ve found somewhat of a renewed hope in my life, at a time when things were seeming especially dismal. By chance, while looking through books at the library after a class, I found a book that seems to, in its opening, describe my most pressing affliction to a T. The book, titled Shyness & Love, describes a group of males who go through their lives strongly desiring emotional and sexual contact but unable to attain even a small bit of it due to an oppressively powerful shyness. Not only do these males fail to garner the spouse and kids so commonly considered a wonderful part of life, but their lack of social skills affects them negatively in the workplace and in their entire life in general. Happiness seems unattainable to them, and by the time they reach middle age, they’ve lost virtually all hope and have become very pessimistic and angry in general.
This dismal road seems to be the one I walk down at the moment. I don’t like the prospects. This book gives me hope that I might be able to escape. That my most dire problem has both been studied and has possibly a sizable population (the author estimates a little over 1% of Usonians) sharing in it gives me promise and makes me feel so much less alone. I intend to read as much of it as I can in the next few weeks, even as my schoolwork has been taking a large portion of my time.
Unfortunately, descriptors of love shyness on wikipedia suggest that I show many more differences from the affliction than the intro of the book suggested. Unlike the men in the book, I didn’t have abusive parents, though perhaps emotionally distant, and I like Rock and Roll music. In addition, reviews on amazon suggest that the book has its problems, including some lack of credibility and, fairly importantly, a general lack of real, usable solutions. The book is out of print, and the author and others have not seemed to have expanded upon the concept since the book was written in 1987.
None-the-less, I hope the reading will help me understand myself and my problem better, making me better equipped to handle the problem. I feel more confident that useful information and help might be out there somewhere. I will make in effort to use my brain to escape my trouble, to get past the pain and anxiety provided by social situations so that I might enter into the world in which everyone else lives, finally. Happiness may be achievable.