Personal posts page 63

I went to Lincoln Elementary and, for sixth grade only, to Horace Mann Middle School. Those were some great years and I knew lots of cool people. Lots of things happened in my life then that made me who I am today. I really miss those days and all the fun I had. Some recent searching through various things I still have from then, after seeing a girl who looked like someone I had known, brought back many good memories. I had not thought much about that time period for many years.

When I moved away, things seemed to change for the worse. The shy person that I am, I had lots of trouble adjusting to the move from elementary school to middle school. Lots of my friends went to another middle school or had classes in a totally different part of the school. There were also lots of new people there, and classes were done much differently, with a teacher for each subject instead of one for most of them. One of my best friends had moved several blocks away and also was attending that other middle school. I was much more socially cut off than I had been during the elementary years. Then I moved to a new home. Suddenly, all of those people were completely gone, and everybody was totally new. I got one friend easily, because he was my neighbor. I had too much trouble reaching out to anyone else. I went through school hardly talking to anyone at all, except the one neighbor. He went to a private high school, so I then had nobody at school. I’ve never recovered socially from that, and currently have virtually no friends. I lack the social skills to gain any.

I’d like to contact some of you folk who were my friends then, at least to hear what had happened after I left. Phil Nash, David and Rena McCray, and Ian Howard were all my best friends back then. Some of my favorite times were with you. I had a bit of a ‘crush’ on Rena. Joey Machol, Morgan Bishop, and Ryan Overman were also good friends. There were lots of other really cool people as well. Angie Bowers was the girl I thought I saw at a recent show of my bands. I didn’t get a chance to ask her if it was her: I’m of course rather shy; I have a poor memory and was unsure if I remembered correctly ; I also wanted to wait until after the bands were done, but she left before then.

I tried to find information on some of you on the internet, but that never seems to succeed well. All I found were a few stories in the high school newspaper with quotes from Rena or written by Ian.

If any of you folk, especially if you remember me, would like to contact me, that’d be really cool. I feel this awful, melancholy feeling right now that what was once my life and joy has disappeared forever, leaving only a few pictures and papers and some faded memories.

My ride to band practice was both long and interesting today. The traffic was awful on the way there. I was in two seperate sets of stop and go traffic. Both times it took me somewhere around 10 minutes to go perhaps a half mile. The second traffic jam was caused by an accident on Graham Road. There were lots of emergency vehicles surrounding it, taking up two lanes of the four lane road, so traffic had to be averted into one lane of the other side of the road. It took a while for that to happen, so there was lots of waiting. As I drove past, I couldn’t see what happened, with all the emergency vehicles in the way, but I did see a stretcher with a group of people around it. They had very blank expressions on their face, so I couldn’t tell what was happening very well. I will have to look for some sort of news about the accident; I’d like to be able to find out about the accidents I actually see.

A little further on down Graham, the traffic was still pretty bad. A couple of cop cars drove by, one with flashers. I stopped at a traffic light. The road was clear on my side of the road but only partially on the other. A little fawn, of whom I have no idea how it got into that residential side of the road at that time of day, made a made dash to get accross. It was really flying. The cars on my side had been stopped, so they just didn’t accelerate fast and were able to avoid it. On the other side, a red car of some sort must not have seen the little thing speeding across and ran right into it. The fawn flew forward relative to the car a bit, flailing about, as well as forward in its direction of movement, so that it arrived right in front of a truck that stopped in time to avoid it and soon fell to the pavement. The red car sped along past, while the truck driver sat looking down at it. It seemed to happen so fast, yet take a long time. From a bit back, I thought the fawn was not badly injured and wondered why it wasn’t getting up. As I went past, however, I saw a large pool of blood that looked like it eminated from its nose. Not something I like to see. A frantic young life cut off. I drove past, so I don’t know what became of the deer or the truck driver sitting there looking at it. Damn red car driver.

I read a book today. The whole thing. One I had read when I was a kid and remembered being good, but didn’t remember much about it. I had liked it so much as a kid, I even named my mouse Prince Terrian. The book was Bridge to Terabithia. Weird that it was in the kids section at the library though I didn’t remember it being so kiddy.

I read part in the afternoon before work. At work I got stuck on fry, my least favorite (read most disliked, perhaps only disliked) station. I’m slow on it, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get home to finish reading. It was weird, as I’ve not in recent memory had a thing I so wanted to do that I ached to be doing it. I got home and stayed up late finishing the book. As I approached the end, I had an inkling memory of what happened in the end, facilitated by knowledge that something had to happen to end the book. I didn’t remember exactly what it was at first, but it came to me as it approached. I feared its happening but still wanted to read on. Strangely, though I knew what would happen, I was still hit hard when it happened. Harder than I’ve been hit in a long time. I cried, and hard, all the way through the ending. I hadn’t actually cried in a long time: I don’t even remember the last time full tears rolled down my face. I had thought I had lost all capability of emotion, that practicality and indifference had taken over with the realization that life happens, and occurences good or bad can’t be changed, only dealt with. That prudent stoicism has enveloped me as long as I can remember. But this story touched me and moved me to tears.

Perhaps it is because I have always want somebody to pop in to my life to take me off to Terabithia. No one has. Terabithia seems like the place I always wanted to go, that I wish I had gone to when I was a kid. The friendship and love lost, though common to many stories, felt so much more close because of the realism of the story. All the joy in Jesse’s life was in Leslie and Terabithia. When those were gone, he was left with seemingly nothing of value. Things of joy and pain can appear and disappear so quickly, and when gone leave nothing but a frail memory. Guilt is wrought when run a thought that a seeming small poor and insignificant choice could a hand lend to such a terrible end. It reminded me of a small occurence in another book, Ordinary People, involving a friend of the main character from the therapy he had recieved.

I’ve never been to Terabithia, and perhaps never will. Nor perhaps shall I find such a close bond as between Jesse and Leslie.

Every other Thursday, I take my grandma, who we call Mimi, out to get her hair done. She lives in a retirement type home, and the hair dresser at the one she lives at isn’t nearly as good as the one she used to live at, so she needs somebody to transport her over there. I go home or do something else while she gets her hair done, then I come back and we go out to eat at Park’N’Eat, El Rincon, or some other place.

She hasn’t been in the best of health for years now; that’s why she’s in a retirement home. She had a stroke a while back that has eventually led to her inability to walk. Last night, she went to the hospital, as she was having irregular heat beats. She felt very weak. They gave her some medication and are going to run some tests. Because of this, she will not be going to the hair dressers today. I’m hoping she’ll get better soon here. She’s getting fairly old now; wouldn’t want to stop a good thing.

I have one of those prepay type mobile phones, where you pay money in each period of time and then have that money to spend in calls as long as you keep paying. I was a day late in trying to pay, so my previous balance was lost. I had about $83.95 before that, part of which was the leftovers from a $75 card I got when I purchased the phone. I don’t use the phone all that much, since I have a phone at home that is much cheaper to use. I am just going to discontinue the service, as I no longer have a major insentive to use it. I was going to keep paying in the $15 a month just because I had such a high balance, making it an almost unlimited use phone for that price, but that is now gone. My land phone works for my calls, and I believe I can still make 911 calls from the phone if needed. Maybe once I can figure out how to get broadband internet for cheap without the need for a land-line, I’ll go solely to the cell phone with one of the cheap plans (I think there are good ones for like $20 a month), which I find much nicer in so many ways compared to a land phone (able to use ‘anywhere’, free caller id, free voice-mail, built in speed-dial that only really expensive land phones can come close to). So you can probably say goodbye to 4729782.

I got a bit sick today, breaking my vomit streak of possibly seven years.

I don’t get really sick very often; colds a lot, but nothing major. The last time I remember vomiting was in sophomore (or possibly freshman) year of highschool, though there is a slight possibility when I was sick sophomore year in college.

During the night last night, I slept very poorly. I first fell asleep at midnight, but was awoken by Dwight on the phone just 40 or so minutes later. We talked till about 2:00 or so. I then couldn’t fall asleep again till about 3:30. I woke up again at about 5:00 feeling very uncomfortable and weird, not sick but generally awful. I then had trouble sleeping for the rest of the night, waking and sleeping on and off. I woke up fully when my alarm went off at 8:45. I then felt like I couldn’t really eat anything; just the thought of cereal made me feel sick. Apples didn’t sound too bad, so I ate two, just to attempt to get enough energy to make it through the day at work. I was thinking of cycling in, but I felt a bit tired and weak.

At work I felt very anemic. It seemed a lot of effort to work. After about an half hour there, I seemed to be fluctuating between feeling worryingly sick to feeling just a little weak. It continued to worsen, so I told the manager Paul I was feeling sick. I said I probably ought to be able to make it through the lunch rush, then he’d send me home as soon as possible. As time went by, it seemed harder and harder to work. I wasn’t getting much salads for a while, and was very happy to have only prep work to do. My head started feeling a bit feverish. I got some water and drank a little bit, but not much. My feverish feeling slowly progressed to feeling a bit woozy. My hands, legs, and groin area started tingling on and off (mostly the hands/arms). I began to feel like I was going to fall over. I started sitting down from time to time to rest a bit. Movement was quite difficult. I dropped an egg at one point cause my mind was a bit cloudy. I went over and told Paul I probably wouldn’t be able to make it much longer. He was busy and didn’t say much. I went back over to salads and tried to work some more. I made a few more salads, then realized I couldn’t make any more. I had a ticket with four on it, but I couldn’t do them. I sat down for a little while hoping that’d help but it didn’t. I went back to try to make the salads, and really felt like I would fall over. I couldn’t think very straight either. My stomach, which had been hurting off and on to this point not too bad, started hurting a lot.

I felt like I was going to throw up, so I went over to a trash can. After a minute or so, I did. Vomiting is always quite a terrible feeling, like I am choking and being squeezed to death at the same time, with an awful taste to boot. I felt like I would vomit so long I wouldn’t be able to get enough air. By the end I felt like I couldn’t vomit anymore, but my body was still trying. I gave effort to try to stop. Soon I did. Paul saw me throw up and told me to get out of there, that he thought I’d already left. So once i was done there, I took my cup of water, went over by another trash can (away from the salad station) and rinsed out that awful taste as good as I could. I drank a bit as well. Liz seemed scared that she’d get sick. I clocked out and left.

I still felt a bit woozy, but a whole lot better since I had thrown up. I was a little worried about driving in that state, but I ended up being fine. When I got home, I called Dwight to let him know I felt sick. I slept for a bit while he calle d Rockwood. Rockwood said he wanted to call off the show; other bands’d be able to play in our stead. So I slept for a while more. I then had some Royal cherry jello. It was quite delicious. I slept off and on a lot more. Now, after all that rest, I feel pretty much back to normal. I’ll probably have to eat something soon, as all I have is a box of jello in me.

I’m not sure what it was. Symptoms seemed flu-like, but it ended so quickly I don’t think so. I think it may have been something I ate or came in contact with. I’m not sure what, since I had so much contact with unhealthy type things during the day before. I had eaten leftover spaghetti, probably a week old, for lunch. I had came across a pan with some mold growing in it because it had food and water in it. I dumped that out. A mushroom patch I have also had mold on it, and I sprayed it off with a hose. I imagine lots of this mold got into the air, as it smelled bad, and was inhaled by me. After work that night, I had some cereal and orange juice. The milk used in the cereal hadn’t expired, but was still starting to get a bit old, and milk is quick to grow bacteria even before its expiration date. The orange juice seemed fine, but I had recently left it sitting out for about a day. I’m guessing the problem was one of the food items, hence the vomit. I probably still felt a little bad after the vomit because of the bit of bad chemicals probably left over in my body (I’m guessing it was toxins from the bacteria as opposed to an attack by the bacteria themselves). Who knows though: I’m gonna throw away the milk, orange juice, and left-over spaghetti to be sure. Too bad there’s no (cheap and easy) way to test them for the culprit.

I’m not a Catholic, even a Christian, or even a theist. However, the day the pope died brought some interesting weather. There was a quite cold and very strong wind carrying some cold rain. It was cold in the middle of a rather warm period. Going outside was generally miserable and to be avoided. The wind was so strong that night that my electricity was flickering on and off, making it the worst i’ve seen since I’ve moved into my trailer. I was somewhat worried the power would go out and stay out, as it’s my source of heat in my very cold house. Overnight it snowed, though it had seemed like the snow was definately done for the year. It wasn’t just a short last revisit of the snow; it was a complete snow cover of five or six inches. It was enough that I wanted to go sledding. The next day I was to work, so I decided that if the snow was still on the ground on Monday, I’d go sledding one last time. Unfortunately for me, the next day, like the day before that day, was warm and sunny, and the snow melted well before the day was over. Interestingly enough, that had happened earlier this year: snowed on Saturday, I planned to sled on Monday, snow melted Sunday during the day.

I’m done at Kent finally. 4.5 years. I finished an internship up at the winking lizard, working mostly like normal, but learning a bit about management stuff and learning other positions in the kitchen. I’m now the proud owner of a BS (of course) in Hospitality Management. What does this mean? No more school. Finally. After 17.5 years, I no longer have to worry about assignments or tests or the like. For now, I’m continuing to work at the Lizard as I have been and working with my band (my band of musicians that is).

I’m now moved to my trailer as well, which is taking a bit of my time to fix up a bit. It was very drafty when I first moved in, so I’ve been working on sealing it up. I’ve put up the plastic sheets over several of my windows and caulked around the edges, and should finish that soon. I’ve also put tape on many other seams that were leaking. It’s improved noticeably. I keep the thermostat low, putting it at 50 to 55 when I’m away, 55 to 60 while I sleep, and 60 to 65 while I’m there and awake. Hopefully that’ll keep costs to a manageable level. I like the place and, for the most part, living alone. I can do as I please with the place, especially nice with the kitchen. I can also do as I please in the place. It does get a little lonely sometimes though, especially at night, and can be a bit boring. It’s a big place for one person, so I have plenty of room to utilize. I’ll be able to do projects and stuff that I can just leave sitting.

The weather has been very strange lately, even for Ohio. It’s mid-January and 60 degrees. That’s crazy. I cycled to work yesterday to celebrate. I’ll have to get used to that ride, as I’ll be doing it all the time when it’s warm enough.

Sorry for the long delay between posts. A lot has happened since my last. I have my full fledged site hosted from my ibook, but that only worked when I had a high speed connection. Now its gone (bye-bye SBC, I’ll probably never come back to you), and won’t be reinstated till I move to a new place (hopefully soon). Then my full fledged, self served site will be back up.

My last year of classes is now over and done with. It was a little bit of a challenging year, since I didn’t much feel like being in school, but I made it through still maintaining my close to 4.0 status (I did get my second B though in Business Writing). There were also some classes that I liked, like my programming and biology classes, that helped me through. My memory of the school year is already a bit fuzzy though, partly due to my very bad memory. I also was focused on conversations with Krista there for a while. I’m still the same quiet person with few friends on campus.

I still live with Dwight Henson in NA Valley. I like it there. It’s quite cheap, very spacious, a nice place, and good neighbors. It also isn’t too far from campus, and I was able to bike to school every day that my bike was able (there was a big ordeal with the cold and water causing my freewheel to not turn the rear wheel on particularly cold days or any snowy days), and got an estimated 6 to 12 miles in each school day, which kept me somewhat in shape.

Soon though, I shall be moving to a nice mobile home. It’s a step above an apartment or rented house because I own the facility, but much cheaper than an actual house. I will be very happy to be able to do with the place as I please. I’d like to start with installing some appliances and stuff, perhaps a composting toilet and tankless water heater, and maybe, if I stay long enough, move on to install more insulation, my specially designed bathroom, and other such plans I have made for my ideal house. It’ll be awesome.

Went on GOBA again this year. We formed Team Us, a team of people known by my brother. There were six of us: Me, Jamie, my cousin Paul, and Jamie’s friends Max Monegan, Seffrey Brenneman, and Lindsey. Lindsey drove the truck and didn’t ride. It was kinda cool: we had a big tent plus a small tent, as well as a netted sun shade thing that we played cards in, and everyone else’s stuff got transported in Lindsey’s truck, while I, the packer, didn’t have to have a tent since I shared the big one (though I carried a tarp just in case and to make up for it). The trip was generally fun, though I found myself getting tired after 30 or so miles. One day, I accidently left my helmet in Lindsey’s truck, and since they don’t like you riding without one, I decided to take an alternative route where no one would see me. I had a map, but a big hunk of my route wasn’t on it. I ended up doing the whole riding in what should be the general direction of my destination. I eventually made it there, after a long tiring ride through mostly the country but also some city riding and some scary riding on the highway twice. The highway helped me there though, as it went straight to my destination town. I succeeded in going it cheaper than last year, taking grape nuts for my breakfast to alleviate that cost in addition to my peanut butter sandwich (no bagels this year, bread seems better) lunches. Generally a cool trip, though I didn’t like it as much as the first two for some reason. The price is getting to me: I could really ride myself anywhere and have a more personalized ride, though some of the stuff would be more troublesome, and it wouldn’t be as cool in some ways.

My band has been making progress. Our once new bass player, Rockwood, has now been with us for over a year and has fit in very well. Now with a bass player we sound much more full, and Rockwood helps with the singing as well. The Possum has changed its name to the Yars, after the video game Yars Revenge. We’ve played several parties at Rockwood’s house (our first several shows with the Yars) and had at least several people like our stuff. We met Dusty at one, whom we signed on as lead singer. He was a good singer, with a good, interesting voice and a way with the audience. After he came on we did a couple more parties and did another recording. But him and Dwight got in a fight and were both stubborn: Dusty wanted new stuff while Dwight wanted to continue on with the songs he’d already written, since he has about 90 that he considers decent to really good that haven’t been gotten out at all or much to the public. Dusty left and put Rockwood and Dwight back into the singing positions in the band. After that, we got several gigs at actual venues, all free shows except for one, at which we got $3. We are working are way towards real payed gigs and a fan base. We have about 2 or so shows a month right now.

At the Lizard, I’ve been pizza cook for over a year now and have been removed from busser duty (I only every once in a while, less than once a month, pick up shifts for bussers). Now I am about to start an internship there, the last thing I have to do to finally finish my degree. With this internship, I hope to learn the rest of the cooking stations and, more importantly, learn a lot of the office and management related things. I will need these skills a lot when I open up the Tipsy Skunk. Right now I can say no more classes, but until I’m done with the internship, I can’t really say I’m done with school. Soon enough though.